The Darkest Day of the Year

One thing has always been comforting to me, during the winter months that get increasingly colder and shorter and darker, making me want to crawl inside myself, or bed. On December 21st, the days start getting longer, 2 minutes per day. December 21st itself is the shortest, darkest day of the year; but on this day there is the seed or the beginning of moving toward light and warmth again.

Things were going along swimmingly for me, until a few weeks ago. In fact, it felt very much like I was swimming along, and all of a sudden realized I was surrounded by a thick bunch of jelly-fish. Miles long, miles deep. Everywhere, jelly-fish. And so I froze, knowing that if I moved right, that one would sting me silly; if I moved left, that one would reveal 18 more behind it; if I moved backward, that one would knock me out cold.

The momentum of my life, recent move and all my projects has slowed, and the water is clearing, like silt to the bottom of the pond, revealing some strong, sly demons I was sure had long gone.

I am grateful I have an extraordinary partner to listen, dig deeper, and not run as I cover all aspects of the feminine expression in the span of 20 minutes. He has been extraordinary, and I appreciate the work we've both done to have this kind of support now.

I don't know what to say. From where I sit, it's either breakthrough or breakdown, or both. I know I put all these jelly fish in my own way, I know I created them. But they seem real. And terrifying.

I'll keep you posted.

These are potent words - that somehow help me right now - from Jed McKenna's second book, "Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment:"

(Although I take the tactic of loving my demons to death, rather than slaying them...)

"To move forward, you must figure out exactly what is obstructing you. Whatever it is, it isn't really there; it has no reality, no substance. It's your own creation, a phantom lurking in the shadows of your mind, a shadow demon. Your obstructions are your demons, and your demons are shadow dwellers. They live and thrive in the half-light of ignorance, so the way to slay a demon is by illuminating it with the full force and power of your focused attention; by looking at it, hard. Banish shadow with light and see for yourself that no obstruction exists, nor ever did. We create our demons and we feed them. To awaken we must slay them. That's really the whole process: Slay one demon, take one step.

Repeat."


Even the darkest day of the year holds within it the seeds of the light and sweet days of summer....