I hope you enjoy Baring With Me as much as I like baring it all - around the topic of Re-Defining Monogamy, that is!
You can look forward to my irreverently revent musings, the fruits of my rambling research, as well as answers to and ponderings on questions posed by viewers.
I'll start with an incredibly timely question posed to me from a New York man, getting ready to get pregnant with his girlfriend:
"Does Monogomy need to be re-defined for today's couples to have any chance at longevity?"
Well, I say a big resounding YES.
The things that bound a couple together for the long haul in the past - like rearing children, cultural convention like arranged marriage, no means for divorce, etc - are all falling away around us, like autumn leaves.
The models we have been handed from the past, which may or may not have worked in the past, are less and less likely to work for us now.
At the same time, there has never been so much pressure put on partner/love relationships as now. Somehow, your partner is supposed to be your best friend, confidante, counselor, buddy and sexual partner all rolled into one. In addition, you are magically supposed to be able to mangage the challenges of finances, housekeeping, socializing, eating habits and parenting - all without much information or tools! Wrapping all these different roles into one relationship puts a lot of strain on the relationship. Add to that that you likely never got very good communication skills, especially with someone of the opposite gender - and there is even more pressure on the relationship.
So, YES, relationships need to be re-defined, and re-defined by YOU, by the people HAVING the relationships. There are so many choices available to us, in only the last generation or so. With the slate of your relationships blank, what do you choose? Do you choose to recreate the relationship your parents had? And if so, are there ways you can make that healthier and more sustainable? Do you want to create something different than any of the models you see out there? And if so, what does that look like for you? Do you want a relationship based on traditional monogamy or do you want be able to color outside the lines?
What makes a relationship last in the rapidly shifting time we live in, can only be defined and created, and re-created, by the individuals in the relationship, and in the time. Relationships that are an expression of the unique beings in the relationship - this is a relatively new concept, but it is the only way I can see that rich, rare, sustainable, healthy and extraordinary relationships have a chance to be long-lived.
Asking these questions of yourself are what re-defining is all about, and it can be scary as hell. But it can also be one of the most exciting, enriching, adventurous and courageous things you can do in your lifetime.
"To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform." - Theodore H. White
What to do?
Have a burning question yourself?
Email it to: questions@redefiningmonogamy.com
... and I may just address it here on the blog, or in my monthly newsletter!
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