In Candescence

Last night I went to an event titled, Candescence, a demonstration of a woman in a state of orgasm for one hour. I left the demonstration with the same feeling in my body and mind as at the end of an entire 10 days spent in silent meditation, for 10 hours each day.

Honestly, it is a bit edgy to write about this. I am uber aware that most people didn't spend their Saturday night in quite the same way as I did. But the experience of the energy of Sexuality and Spirituality being one was profound enough for me to tell you all about my unusual weekend event attendance.

The demonstration was the culmination of 4 years of work and research by this woman and her partner, into extended, expanded orgasm, under the guidance of Nicole Daedone of OneTaste in San Francisco. On one level, what we 75 people watched and experienced was a brave and naked woman lying on a lushly-draped dias, being stroked manually by her gloved partner. For one hour. But on another level, we - the un-stroked - rode her energetic waves along with her, felt the touches ripple through the room and our own bodies. Our bodies ignited, we tuned out when she did, we went up and down along with her, and our matter was gently caressed and expanded like this woman on the opposite side of the room.

At the end of the evening I felt pre-verbal, hard-pressed to speak or put words to what I was experiencing. I felt open, raw, ignited, vulnerable, and deeply moved. There was more to this than the sum of its components. It felt like we'd all been exposed to a sacred, ritualized energy.

There is apparently a region in the brain whose sole function is to suppress sexual turn-on. During sex and orgasm, it stops suppressing and we experience increased sensation and turn-on.

Is sensation and orgasm proprietary and localized to a body, or is it an owner-less energy, like the wind, that we only know when it touches and ripples over us?

Is our natural state orgasm? Is sexual turn-on happening all the time, we are just in various states of suppression?

Don't get me wrong. There are times when NOT feeling immense levels of sensation and openness is OK, like driving a car or operating heavy machinery - or trying to articulate an incredibly profound experience of the divine creative energy that made us all, so present in the room this last Saturday evening.

Tripping Over Joy

Ever since realigning my priorities away from being productive for productive's sake and moving toward enjoying my life, amazing (but predictable) things have been happening all over my life. The predictable part is namely me enjoying myself, my life, and others, exceedingly.

How is it that I made a paradigm shift from feeling batted about by life to enjoying it? It is certainly not that I finally got all my ducks in a row. My ducks are as unruly as most, if not more.

I finally got what it means to appreciate what is here, right now; how to appreciate what IS so, not what I WISH to be so. Starting from there allows me to open up, lighten up, and be flooded with gratitude. Where I put my attention, grows. Put my attention on the curve balls I am being thrown and how much that sucks, and lo! and behold, my life sucks. But put my attention on what is already good, rich and delicious, and my life becomes simply amazing...

Here is a fun quote by the 13th Century mystic Sufi poet, Hafiz, who has some good things to say on the subject of joy.

~ Tripping over Joy ~

What is the difference
Between your experience of Existence
And that of a saint?
The saint knows
That the spiritual path
Is a sublime chess game with God

And that the Beloved
Has just made such a Fantastic Move

that the saint is now continually
Tripping over Joy
And bursting out in Laughter
And saying, "I Surrender!"

Whereas, my dear,
I'm afraid you still think

You have a thousand serious moves.

I just had a bjorange!

This summer, in my research, writing and personal experimentation, i've been digging into the qualities of enlightenment, and how those qualities can, do and must co-exist alongside with sensuality, sexuality and relationship.

What's most stuck out is this concept: to love, appreciate, acknowledge and celebrate WHAT IS, not what we wish to be so. This has us stop running, hiding and pushing away the present moment, but instead has us see it square on. What happens after getting out of our fantasy life and being able to see reality, is that we are then able to see even more that is good. We can stop using our "bad" eyes and begin to start seeing with "good" eyes. I notice I only get into trouble when I get swept away with thoughts that have to do with what if, if only...

It was noted by a man named Victor Baranco, founder of an intentional living collective, MoreHouse (www.LafayetteMorehouse.com) that there wasn't really an event in our culture to acknowledge a relationship besides a marriage. Nor was there a word that rhymes with "orange." Thus was born the ceremony, a Borange. My boyfriend added the ecclectic "j" and hence personalized our into a "Bjorange." As a surprise to me, he had a dear friend of ours officiate our Bjorange, during his birthday two days ago.

What happens in a Bjorange? It is a celebration of the relationship, acknowledging what is good about it, right now, today. It is not a promise of the future nor a looking back at the past. He told me everything he loves and appreciates about me and our relationship, and I did as well. Our guests each told us what we - as individuals and as a relationship - meant to them. I loved doing this in the company of our favorite people on the planet. It was incomparable to know how much our relationship is inspiring to our dear friends. I felt a deep honoring of what we have NOW, for this man I get to walk with, create with, love with NOW. And NOW is, as we stride purposely into our juicy and amazing future, is really all we have.

As my teacher, Dolano (www.dolano.com) in India likes to say, "What's after NOW? Another NOW, isn't it?"