Praise and Parents

This month of giving thanks (at least in the USA), a lot is brewing - the magic of gratitude and praise. It is impossible to be miserable, or focused on some aspect of ourself that is miserable, when we are in gratitude, or in praise.

I realized my parents were my first example of extraordinary relationship, in two ways:

They taught me to trust that I would have deep, clear knowing of love. When I asked how they knew they wanted to be together (after a previous divorce each), they both said, "I just knew."

They showed me you can arrange a relationship any way you wish, so as to have it be an expression of the people in it. After the kids moved out, they moved into separate places, one mile down the road from each other. They are still very much
together, but have different living and working spaces. They also share meals and go over for movies and sleep-overs at the other's house.

After a recent tele-class I taught that my mom and dad were on, my mom wrote me this:

"Thank YOU for making your knowledge and skill available to us. Dad is very excited about what he learned. And already we have put some things into practice and it really works; less frustration and more understanding of one another and some great breakthroughs. We both have more openness to communicating. So thank you again."

Praise from the very people who were my first example of extraordinary relationship.

So to extend some of that praise back to our parents, check out this excerpt from David Deida's recent book, "Instant Enlightenment: Fast, Deep, and Sexy":


"Imagine praising the next person you see. Praise him or her as fully as possible, so you are embarrassed you are so praiseful. What praise would you give? Picture someone you know - anyone - and feel what is the most magnanimous praise you can offer them.

Remember your mother and father as you offer this praise. Imagine doing so now. How do you feel? You have probably chosen a career and sought an intimate partner in reaction to the praise you never got from your parents. Take time to remember what you didn't get from your mother and father, and look at what you seek through your career and intimate relationship.

What do you wish your parents had told you more? Really feel into your childhood. Feel, as a child, what your parents said or didn't say to you. What do you wish your parents had given you more of? What do you wish your parents had said to you?

To the next person you see, silently give the praise you didn't get enough of from your parents but wish you had. Give this praise silently to everyone you see for the next three days. In your imagination, give this praise silently to your parents, right now. How does it feel to offer the praise you never got, but wished you had?

Holding back praise limits all the love you are willing to give - through speech, sex, and touch. It also restrains the love you could offer through your life's work.

Give the praise that you wish your parents had given you more of. Give it silently to everyone, and give it out loud to your lover, whether you feel they deserve it or not. Find out what happens when you do. Discover the full offering you were born to give, as a gift, to everyone."