Man on the half-shell

This morning, from his hammock overlooking the gulf of thailand's salty waves, my boyfriend reports to being "happy as a clam."

He is every woman's dream at the moment: open, sweet, attentive, flirty, sexy, and sharing his thoughts (and feelings!) freely. We share a saucy spark, from heart to heart, and from, well a bit lower than that, too... I relish these times. As much as I know and accept that they come and go, I also study them so I understand the elements that go into creating them, so I can do so with greater ease and facility next time. In the eternal quest to decode and befriend this strange species of shellfish - Man - I wonder what it takes to turn "clammed up" to "happy as a clam?"

Ever the metaphor whore, I start to think about men as mussels. Sometimes men are closed, hard shells clamped down and water-tight, and sometimes they are open, happily offering up their sweet, salty, soft insides, like a Venus, goddess of love, who stands amorously on such a shell. You can't force mussels to open - you might get poisoned - but there is a way to have them open willingly.

Here is my impromptu recipe to do just that:

1. Pluck from natural habitat. Place in a container with some water.

We all get used to our lives, even if our lives are amazing, so going somewhere different, doing something differently or changing it up in some way, necessitates we are more aware and attentive, rejuvenates the senses, and wakes us up a touch. It is so important to create a space that is different than normal, familiar life. This beach in thailand is working well, for sure! But if you can't take a vacation half-way across the world, you can create sacred space, or a container to connect inside of, anywhere, anytime. Set the space, be intentional: it can be as simple as lighting candles if you usually don't, going out for dinner if you usually stay in, turning off the TV, getting in the bath together, or spending a night in a hotel, just for the fun of it.

2. Add heat and steam.

The general rule is that a woman needs emotional connection to be sexually intimate, and a man needs sexual connection to be emotionally intimate. Sort of a catch-22, at times. My boyfriend tells me he pulls away and closes down when I don't prioritize our sensual time, when we are unable to connect, sensually. It is the thing that allows him to feel like we connect deeply, that we are on the same page, and that he is important and won't lose me to work, distractions, etc. And he is right - I often don't prioritize this. I love life in all its forms and minutiae. I call myself an "intellexual," meaning sometimes my work, or a deep and juicy conversation with a girlfriend can be as amazing as sex. But really, tell me, how in the world can I prioritize e-mail over connecting, heart and body, with my love?

So we make it a priority, just like yoga, exercise or work get a fair slot in our lives. At the risk of sounding super-crunchy, I'll share with your our Connection Ritual next posting. In the meantime, create your own, and we can compare notes!

Gramma was almost right: the way to a man's heart might sometimes be his stomach, but usually it is a little bit further on down...